Sunday, July 22, 2007

Time goes on...


As time goes on, I become more and more accepting of my loss of my dear, sweet Paco. Many times, however, even when I am not consciously thinking about, he will appear in my mind and the pain comes up and I have a good cry.

There were some old patillas lying around the property and I had a friend help me build a shelter of sorts over Paco's grave. His actual grave is covered with a low mound of river stones, but to keep cars and such from trampling on his grave, he now has a shelter around it.

Ava, my old girl, continues to be a constant companion even though she is definitely not a lap dog - just too big. She would like to be one and sometimes tries to crawl up in my lap and if she makes it, I allow her to sit there a while until her heaviness becomes to much for me.

Lately, I have been taking delight in watching the "Hummingbird Wars," as I call them, happening just outside my window in the computer room. So far, I have been able to identify four different breeds of hummers, even if I do not know their names.

Yes, life has a lot of pain in it, but it also has a lot of delight and joy.

Bro. Hardy

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Losses...


Having lost my precious Paco recently has been bringing up so many of the losses in my life. Loss of possessions (twice), loss of family and friends in death, loss of status, loss of community, so many losses. One does need to grieve such losses, but often the vicissitudes of life interfere and we plod on not even realizing the toll our losses take on us. How well I recall in the 80s and 90s the losses we all endured in the AIDS toll. We would go to, maybe even participate in, a funeral of a friend or loved one and before we even had time to let the loss sink in, another would rear its ugly head.

Yet, in the midst of all the loss, there are always gains. They sometimes slip in unnoticed until we realize the impact they have on our lives. I am so grateful for all the gains in my life and one is pictured above. Ava, my 17 year old dog has been with me 10 years now after having been abandoned three times over previously. She has been a constant source of comfort - even through the death of Paco and now she is showing the signs of aging. She no longer moves at a fast pace, nor gets up from her bed in a hurry. She is a cancer survivor, but showing signs of a return of the disease. Another impending loss.

Bro. Hardy